Remission of Sins and a Mighty Change of Heart

As many of you may know, I participate in an online meeting of a 12-step group called Heart-t-Heart. It was created by members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints wishing to gather together to "overcome the bondage of compulsive/addictive behaviors through a practical proven application of the principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ as they correlate with the Twelve Steps of AA." Information can be found Here.

My Dad and I lead weekday meetings. Meetings are left up until a new meeting is posted, so that they may be accessed at any time by those who desire extra fellowship and spiritual support. Members may choose to share on the reading even if they are in the room after the meeting is "finished." In one meeting I shared about having received a mighty change of heart. A group member left this message in the room.

"I just hit the 90-day marks without any slips. I am just concerned that this is just a change in behavior and not a change of heart. I would be interested to hear from you, Sarah, and how you got to the point when you experienced that change of heart. Thanks!..."

This led me to ponder my spiritual progress deeply and to write about it.  The following is my response to him.

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You asked yesterday how I got to the point that I experienced a mighty change of heart.  Without having posted my introduction yesterday my statement of experiencing a mighty change of heart may have been confusing.

In Alma 5 Alma the younger, now the High Priest of the church, is speaking to the church, reminding them of God's tender mercies of delivering their ancestors from both physical and spiritual bondage.

In verse 7 he says "Behold, he changed their hearts; yea, he awakened them out of a deep sleep, and they awoke unto God. Behold, they were in the midst of darkness; nevertheless, their souls were illuminated by the light of the everlasting word..."

I have experienced, more than once, a period of time where my discipleship practice has resulted in a miraculous change of heart and accompanying ability to witness, recognize and participate in miracles. These miracles are not of the kind in which I see angels or receive instruction directly from an embodied Christ, although I firmly believe those abilities are available to me if I am abundantly meek and if those experiences are necessary to my mission on earth.

My understanding of the nature of my relationship with God and my courage to accept His grace fully into my life and to rely wholly upon the merits and mercy of Jesus Christ is not a constant thing.  I am often "napping" and gradually realize that I am not awake, but am "dreaming" and God awakens me again.

The 12 steps of heart to heart are a wonderful narrative of the process of learning to use the atonement of Christ through His grace to become higher and holier disciples.  

Elder Bednar's recent talk "Meek and Lowly of Heart" outlines 3 action steps to gain and retain a remission of sins.
1. Righteous responsiveness
2. Willing submissiveness
3. Strong self-restraint (although I would describe the third action principle as absolute reliance upon the grace of Christ).

When my discipleship practice has been consistent enough that I have reached a point of being willingly submissive enough to act on ALL good thoughts that come to my mind with courage in Christ's grace (even if they seem random or from "my brain") I experience a transformation of heart and of behavior.  

I have been unable to continually experience this transformed state, nevertheless, I have consistently had this experience.

You stated that although you have experienced sobriety you are concerned that this is just a change in behavior and not a change of heart.  To me, your concern that it is not a change of nature highlights your broken heart and contrite spirit.

While I desire to remain continually repentant and to forever abstain from my compulsive and harmful behaviors, I think it is likely that I will struggle with them to varying degrees throughout my life.

I have come to a point where I accept that as it says in Matthew 26:41 "[my] spirit indeed is willing, but [my] flesh is weak."  It's ok to falter, to fall, to fail.  God does not require me to feel, think, or behave perfectly.  There has only ever been one of God's children who was capable of and expected to live the perfect life, and my consistent desire and effort to be His disciple is enough for the Father and the Son.

I can be free from Satan's tool of shame which worms into my soul and speaks the lie that I am unworthy of love and compassion, that God will reject me if I come to Him with my brokenness.  So I strive, and struggle, and sin, and nevertheless, I rejoice in my Lord and His redeeming love for me.