She was bowed together, and could in no wise lift up herself.

William (my 4-year-old son) and I frequently visit an assisted living home to see a good friend. 

On Valentines Day he and I brought large hearts cut out of construction paper and gave them to all the residents in my friend's medical ward.

This was the first time we met Sister Valentine's Day, whose name I sadly cannot remember.

She had skeletal problems which had bent her body severely, making it difficult to wear clothing or to move at all, even in a power wheelchair. She wore a loose hospital gown. I suspect that between issues of modesty and mobility she never left her room - I had never seen her in the dining room with all the other residents, many of whom William and I have come to know by name.

Her room was beautifully decorated for Valentine's day - there were hearts and lace and pink and red everywhere. One of the walls in the room was actually painted pink which I suspect is her favorite color.

We gave her one of the hearts. She was so cheerful, so appreciative. We promised to say hi to her when we next visited. She brightened my day.

In late February I had a strong impression to visit my friend during an extremely busy afternoon. I kept putting it off while I took care of other things, and it eventually just stopped.

One Saturday a few weeks later I had the thought "I should visit my friend." This time I obeyed immediately.  When I arrived there was a transport van in front of the facility and my friend was being wheeled to her room by some staff. She was returning after a 2-week stay in the hospital.  She said in amazement "how did you know about this?" I replied, equally amazed, "I didn't!"

 When I went to visit Sister Valentine's day, she was gone.  Her room was bare and empty except for a hospital bed, and her nameplate was gone from the door.  I later found out that she had moved to another state to be closer to family.

I am so amazed at the power of God to care for us through others.

I'm so sad that I didn't act on that prompting weeks ago.

I keep wondering whether God was trying to get me there to know what was happening to my friend so I could visit her in the hospital.

I also wonder if maybe I was supposed to go there to visit Sister Valentine's Day one more time.

Luke 13: 11-13

11 And, behold, there was a woman which had a spirit of infirmity eighteen years, and was bowed together, and could in no wise lift up herself.

12 And when Jesus saw her, he called her to him, and said unto her, Woman, thou art loosed from thine infirmity.

13 And he laid his hands on her: and immediately she was made straight, and glorified God.

My friend seems more bent and bowed together every time I see her. It is difficult for her to lift her head, difficult to eat.

Someday soon Jesus will call her to Him and lay His hands on her and she will be loosed from her infirmity and be made straight.

And she, and I, will glorify God.

Remission of Sins and a Mighty Change of Heart

As many of you may know, I participate in an online meeting of a 12-step group called Heart-t-Heart. It was created by members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints wishing to gather together to "overcome the bondage of compulsive/addictive behaviors through a practical proven application of the principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ as they correlate with the Twelve Steps of AA." Information can be found Here.

My Dad and I lead weekday meetings. Meetings are left up until a new meeting is posted, so that they may be accessed at any time by those who desire extra fellowship and spiritual support. Members may choose to share on the reading even if they are in the room after the meeting is "finished." In one meeting I shared about having received a mighty change of heart. A group member left this message in the room.

"I just hit the 90-day marks without any slips. I am just concerned that this is just a change in behavior and not a change of heart. I would be interested to hear from you, Sarah, and how you got to the point when you experienced that change of heart. Thanks!..."

This led me to ponder my spiritual progress deeply and to write about it.  The following is my response to him.

***

You asked yesterday how I got to the point that I experienced a mighty change of heart.  Without having posted my introduction yesterday my statement of experiencing a mighty change of heart may have been confusing.

In Alma 5 Alma the younger, now the High Priest of the church, is speaking to the church, reminding them of God's tender mercies of delivering their ancestors from both physical and spiritual bondage.

In verse 7 he says "Behold, he changed their hearts; yea, he awakened them out of a deep sleep, and they awoke unto God. Behold, they were in the midst of darkness; nevertheless, their souls were illuminated by the light of the everlasting word..."

I have experienced, more than once, a period of time where my discipleship practice has resulted in a miraculous change of heart and accompanying ability to witness, recognize and participate in miracles. These miracles are not of the kind in which I see angels or receive instruction directly from an embodied Christ, although I firmly believe those abilities are available to me if I am abundantly meek and if those experiences are necessary to my mission on earth.

My understanding of the nature of my relationship with God and my courage to accept His grace fully into my life and to rely wholly upon the merits and mercy of Jesus Christ is not a constant thing.  I am often "napping" and gradually realize that I am not awake, but am "dreaming" and God awakens me again.

The 12 steps of heart to heart are a wonderful narrative of the process of learning to use the atonement of Christ through His grace to become higher and holier disciples.  

Elder Bednar's recent talk "Meek and Lowly of Heart" outlines 3 action steps to gain and retain a remission of sins.
1. Righteous responsiveness
2. Willing submissiveness
3. Strong self-restraint (although I would describe the third action principle as absolute reliance upon the grace of Christ).

When my discipleship practice has been consistent enough that I have reached a point of being willingly submissive enough to act on ALL good thoughts that come to my mind with courage in Christ's grace (even if they seem random or from "my brain") I experience a transformation of heart and of behavior.  

I have been unable to continually experience this transformed state, nevertheless, I have consistently had this experience.

You stated that although you have experienced sobriety you are concerned that this is just a change in behavior and not a change of heart.  To me, your concern that it is not a change of nature highlights your broken heart and contrite spirit.

While I desire to remain continually repentant and to forever abstain from my compulsive and harmful behaviors, I think it is likely that I will struggle with them to varying degrees throughout my life.

I have come to a point where I accept that as it says in Matthew 26:41 "[my] spirit indeed is willing, but [my] flesh is weak."  It's ok to falter, to fall, to fail.  God does not require me to feel, think, or behave perfectly.  There has only ever been one of God's children who was capable of and expected to live the perfect life, and my consistent desire and effort to be His disciple is enough for the Father and the Son.

I can be free from Satan's tool of shame which worms into my soul and speaks the lie that I am unworthy of love and compassion, that God will reject me if I come to Him with my brokenness.  So I strive, and struggle, and sin, and nevertheless, I rejoice in my Lord and His redeeming love for me.