This is the text of a sacrament talk I gave on September 10, 2017, with minor changes (I was less explicit about my challenges in the sacrament talk in sensitivity to the all ages audience). When I was invited to talk on chastity I was initially uncomfortable and disappointed, because of my longtime struggle with chastity, and because I really wanted to talk about how Moroni's promise in the Book of Mormon is a 3-verse manual on how to come to Christ. As I studied and gathered material the Lord made it clear that He had called me specifically to speak on chastity because of my willingness to share my personal struggles and my experience of becoming a saint through the atonement of Jesus Christ through Moroni's promise. It is part of my personal mission on earth to replace the unique shame and stigma that exists in the church surrounding sexual abuse, sexual sin and pornography addiction with healing unity and compassion in the body of Christ. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to do so through this talk.
Please share any of this you would like. The message of the abused being innocent, and the guilty healed by Christ, needs to be clearly taught in our homes and congregations.
Please share any of this you would like. The message of the abused being innocent, and the guilty healed by Christ, needs to be clearly taught in our homes and congregations.
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The talk on which my address will be based is “We Believe in Being Chaste,” given by Elder David A. Bednar in the April 2013 General Conference. I am honored and humbled to have the opportunity to speak on such a holy and sensitive topic, and I pray that I may teach by the Spirit and you may learn by the Spirit that we may all be edified together.
In this talk I will address three aspects of chastity. Firstly, What is chastity? Secondly, Why is it important? And thirdly, how do we protect, maintain, and regain chastity?
WHAT: Regarding what chastity is, President Spencer W. Kimball has given a clear definition: “We urge, with Peter, ‘… Abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul.’ (1 Pet. 2:11.) No indecent exposure or pornography or other aberrations to defile the mind and spirit. No fondling of bodies, one’s own or that of others, and no sex between persons except in proper marriage relationships. This is positively prohibited by our Creator in all places, at all times, and we reaffirm it. Even in marriage there can be some excesses and distortions.” This counsel is precise regarding those things we absolutely must abstain from, and invites married couples to seek together the counsel of the Lord regarding how to conduct their sexual relations.
In discussing what the law of chastity is, it is critical to note what it is not. Chastity is what you do; not what is done to you. I repeat; chastity is about what you do, not about what is done to you. Chastity and virtue CANNOT be taken from you. It is impossible. Chastity and virtue can only be given up by choice, by intentional action.
Unfortunately, this concept is not always clearly taught in our congregations. Even our most holy book, The Book of Mormon, can be confusing on this issue. In Moroni 9 in referring to the great evil of the Nephites, it describes the treatment of female Lamanite prisoners as “depriving them of that which was most dear and precious above all things, which is chastity and virtue…” For many years I struggled to understand this verse. As I prepared for this talk the Lord blessed me with understanding. I believe that this particular wording is intended to describe sexual violence in a discreet way, rather than using more disturbing terms.
We are blessed through latter-day prophets to have unequivocal doctrinal statements regarding this. In the manual True to the Faith, it says this “If you have been a victim of rape or other sexual abuse, whether you have been abused by an acquaintance, a stranger, or even a family member, you are not guilty of sexual sin. Know that you are innocent and that your Heavenly Father loves you.
Pray for the peace that comes only through Jesus Christ and His Atonement (see John 14:27; 16:33). The Savior has experienced all your pains and afflictions, even those caused by others, and He knows how to help you.” (True to the Faith, Abuse, underline added)
WHY: Having gained a thorough understanding of what chastity is (and is not), we are prepared to examine why the Lord has given the law. This is the focus of Elder Bednar’s talk. He begins by explaining that the law of chastity must be understood within the larger context of the Lord’s plan of happiness, and that we all lived with God as His spirit children before coming to earth to gain physical bodies and mortal experience, and to progress toward exaltation.
Elder Bednar goes on to describe the necessity of gaining a body “Our physical bodies make possible a breadth, a depth, and an intensity of experience that simply could not be obtained in our premortal existence. Simply stated, there are lessons we must learn and experiences we must have, as the scriptures describe, “according to the flesh”.”
The first commandment given to Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden was to multiply and replenish the earth, referring to their ability and responsibility to have children and provide the opportunity for all of God’s children to receive physical bodies. Elder Bednar says “The commandment to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force today. Thus, marriage between a man and a woman is the authorized channel through which premortal spirits enter mortality. Complete sexual abstinence before marriage and total fidelity within marriage protect the sanctity of this sacred channel. The power of procreation is spiritually significant. Misuse of this power subverts the purposes of the Father’s plan and of our mortal existence.” (italics added) Elder Bednar goes on to describe the standard of chastity we previously discussed.
Next, he discusses our dual natures as fallen children of God “To some degree, the natural man described by King Benjamin is alive and well in each of us (see Mosiah 3:19). The natural man or woman is unrepentant, is carnal and sensual (see Mosiah 16:5; Alma 42:10; Moses 5:13), is indulgent and excessive, and is prideful and selfish. ‘In contrast, the “man [or woman] of Christ” (Helaman 3:29) is spiritual and bridles all passions (see Alma 38:12), is temperate and restrained, and is benevolent and selfless. Men and women of Christ lay hold upon the word of God, deny themselves and take up His cross (see Matthew 16:24; Mark 8:34; Luke 9:23; D&C 56:2), and press forward along a straight and narrow course of faithfulness, obedience, and devotion to the Savior and His gospel.
As sons and daughters of God, we have inherited divine capacities from Him. But we presently live in a fallen world...we are dual beings, for our spirit that is the eternal part of us is tabernacled in a physical body that is subject to the Fall. As Jesus emphasized to the Apostle Peter, “The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matthew 26:41).
“The precise nature of the test of mortality, then, can be summarized in the following question: Will I respond to the inclinations of the natural man, or will I yield to the enticings of the Holy Spirit and put off the natural man and become a saint through the Atonement of Christ the Lord ?(see Mosiah 3:19) That is the test. Every appetite, desire, propensity, and impulse of the natural man may be overcome by and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.”(bold added)
He goes on to discuss the intent of the adversary. It is Satan’s desire to have us all become “miserable like himself” (2 Ne. 2:27) “Because a physical body is so central to the Father’s plan of happiness and our spiritual development, Lucifer seeks to frustrate our progression by tempting us to use our bodies improperly.”
What are the blessings of remaining chaste, and which Satan desires us to forfeit? President Marion G. Romney declared: “I can think of no blessings to be more fervently desired than those promised to the pure and the virtuous. Jesus spoke of specific rewards for different virtues but reserved the greatest, so it seems to me, for the pure in heart, ‘for they,’ said he, ‘shall see God’ (Matt. 5:8). And not only shall they see the Lord, but they shall feel at home in his presence. “Here is … the Savior’s promise: ‘Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God’ (D&C 121:45)” (“Trust in the Lord,” Ensign, May 1979, 42).”
Blessedly, when we err and sin against this or any other law, we have been provided the way to be made clean and whole through the grace and atonement of Jesus Christ.
HOW: The question then becomes, how do we access and engage the power of the atonement of Jesus Christ to protect, maintain, and regain our chastity? How do we put off the natural man and become a saint through Jesus Christ? In 2 Nephi 31 and 32 Nephi teaches the doctrine of Christ, that we must be willing to keep the commandments of the Father and be baptized, and continue to exercise faith in Christ “...for ye have not come thus far save it were by the word of Christ with unshaken faith in him, relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save. Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men…”(2 Nephi 31:19-20)
We must rely wholly, meaning entirely, on the merits (capabilities, strengths) of Jesus Christ. The process for coming to Christ is given simply in Moroni 10, in what is often referred to as Moroni’s promise. We often view Moroni’s promise in a limited way, focusing on gaining a testimony of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon. It is so much more than that. It is literally the step by step process for putting off the natural man and becoming a saint through Jesus Christ and for always retaining a remission of our sins.
“Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall [1] read these things that ye would [2] remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things , and [3] ponder it in your hearts. And [4] when ye shall receive these things I would exhort you that ye would [5] ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost. [6] And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things. And whatsoever thing is good is just and true; wherefore, nothing that is good denieth the Christ, but acknowledgeth that He is. And ye may know that He is, by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore I would exhort you that ye [7] deny not the power of God, for He worketh by power, according to the faith of the children of men, the same today and tomorrow, and forever. And again, I exhort you, my brethren, that ye [7] deny not the gifts of God, for they are many; and they come from the same God.”
This, then, is the Lord’s pattern of power: 1) Read the words of Christ 2) Remember the Lord's mercies to all mankind and to me personally - this is the step we often skip, and it is crucial to strengthening the bond of love between ourselves and God the Father, God the Son, and the Holy Ghost. 3) Ponder deeply 4) Receive the doctrine, meaning to have it assimilated into my mind and to accept it as true and accurate, to believe 5) Ask through prayer to receive a witness of the Holy Ghost of the gospel principle 6) Ask through prayer for all knowledge I need, regarding any and all aspects of my life 7) Exercise faith in God's power, and 8) Exercise faith in God's gifts.
It is significant that Moroni exhorts us to deny not the power and gifts of God. Whenever we deny the power or gifts of God Satan wins. He uses two different tools in this attempt: pride and shame. When Satan attacks with pride, he tells us (in a voice we often believe is our own) that God is not real, or that we do not need God, that we can succeed on our own power. When Satan cannot convince us of this he switches tactics. He whispers (again, in a voice we often mistake as our own) that we are irredeemably flawed, that God couldn’t possibly love us anymore, that if we turn to God we will be turned away. That we do not deserve God’s love and forgiveness and assistance.
It is true that we do not and cannot earn or deserve God’s love, forgiveness, and assistance, because it is a gift, freely given. The only qualification to access Christ's enabling grace is to have a broken heart and contrite spirit, and to ask Him for His assistance. Relying wholly on Christ develops the trust in Him which leads to confidence and hope. It is this history of loving closeness with God the Father and with Christ that binds us to Christ, that seals us to Him even as our hearts wander as fallen man.
I know that this process is a tender mercy which will deliver us because it has delivered me from sin and sorrow. I have struggled with obedience to the law of chastity since my preteen years. I first visited with a bishop about this as a young teen. I desired wholeheartedly to pure and temple worthy. Yet once sexual urges are given license it is incredibly difficult to harness them. Over years I progressed to other sins. After a long period of inactivity I returned to Christ and to the church, joyfully received my temple endowment, and was later married and sealed to Steve in the temple. Yet it was not until I hit bottom, feeling that I was powerless and that my life was unmanageable, that I truly yoked myself to Christ, experienced spiritual rebirth and became His daughter.
In the book of Mosiah we read the experience of King Benjamin’s people as he taught of Jesus Christ who would come to redeem all mankind.
“And now, it came to pass that when king Benjamin had made an end of speaking the words which had been delivered unto him by the angel of the Lord, that he cast his eyes round about on the multitude, and behold they had fallen to the earth, for the fear of the Lord had come upon them.
And they had viewed themselves in their own carnal state, even less than the dust of the earth. And they all cried aloud with one voice, saying: O have mercy, and apply the atoning blood of Christ that we may receive forgiveness of our sins, and our hearts may be purified; for we believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who created heaven and earth, and all things; who shall come down among the children of men.
And it came to pass that after they had spoken these words the Spirit of the Lord came upon them, and they were filled with joy, having received a remission of their sins, and having peace of conscience, because of the exceeding faith which they had in Jesus Christ who should come, according to the words which king Benjamin had spoken unto them.” (Mosiah 4:1-3) Their hearts had been changed through Jesus Christ. King Benjamin then teaches them how to retain their change of heart.
“And again I say unto you as I have said before, that as ye have come to the knowledge of the glory of God, or if ye have known of his goodness and have tasted of his love, and have received a remission of your sins, which causeth such exceedingly great joy in your souls, even so I would that ye should remember, and always retain in remembrance, the greatness of God, and your own nothingness, and his goodness and long-suffering towards you, unworthy creatures, and humble yourselves even in the depths of humility, calling on the name of the Lord daily, and standing steadfastly in the faith of that which is to come, which was spoken by the mouth of the angel.
And behold, I say unto you that if ye do this ye shall always rejoice, and be filled with the love of God, and always retain a remission of your sins; and ye shall grow in the knowledge of the glory of him that created you, or in the knowledge of that which is just and true.” (Mosiah 4:11-12).
This has been my experience. As I have learned how to come unto Christ and rely wholly on His merits (first) and mercy (second) I have received both joy and peace of conscience. Satan can no longer shame me or puff me up in pride because I glory in bringing my weakness to the Lord. I am not sin-proof, but I am spiritually resilient. I have the humility to turn to the Lord as soon as I sin, confident that He will express His love for me and wash away my sins and sorrows and give me renewed strength to do the works of righteousness.
Come unto Christ. Feast on His word. Write down the tender mercies He has given to you as proof of His love and fidelity, and the words of love and reassurance he speaks to you as you pray. If necessary, come to the Bishop and experience Christ’s love and counsel through him as you work repentance together and come to be clean and confident before the Lord. It is truly awesome.
Elder Bednar concludes his talk with this witness “I promise that obedience to the law of chastity will increase our happiness in mortality and make possible our progress in eternity.” I echo his promise, and say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
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The hymn we sung after my talk was #117, Come Unto Jesus. It perfectly reinforced the doctrine of my talk. I was especially struck by verse 2 "Come unto Jesus; He'll ever heed you though in the darkness you've gone astray. His love will find you and gently lead you from darkest night into day."
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The hymn we sung after my talk was #117, Come Unto Jesus. It perfectly reinforced the doctrine of my talk. I was especially struck by verse 2 "Come unto Jesus; He'll ever heed you though in the darkness you've gone astray. His love will find you and gently lead you from darkest night into day."
SOURCES and FURTHER READINGS
On teaching and protecting our children:
FHE Resource Book: Teaching about Procreation and Chastity Note: Some great stuff but I consider the gendered teachings insufficient - boys must learn about menstruation so they can be respectful and considerate to the girls and women around them and to be able to help prevent or achieve pregnancy when married, and girls are just as susceptible to masturbation and pornography as boys and should be taught that having sexual urges is not shameful or unfeminine.
A Parent's Guide This manual is a comprehensive and helpful guide to age by age instruction of children. I would caution that when reading the sections on gender that parents consider how gendered toys, interests, fashion and styling are not given by God, but are the product of multi-billion dollar industries, and that clothing, hair and makeup fashions have been very different throughout history and cultures. Basically, don't shame your kids or ANYONE for liking and participating in things which are not considered the "norm" for their gender. A boy loving pink sparkles and a girl fixing cars are not ungodly, but condemning them is. *steps off soapbox*
On recovering through Jesus Christ:
He Did Deliver Me From Bondage The Book of Mormon based 12-step workbook which forever changed my life. It is the most useful Book of Mormon study program I have ever encountered and is applicable to every single saint, not just addicts.
heart-t-heart an LDS 12-step group that predates the church's ARP. I linked to the 12 steps page, which gives the original AA 12 steps and then the heart-t-heart scriptural version based on Book of Mormon verses. Check it out, it's amazing.
Recovering from the Trap of Pornography Ensign article by Elder Oaks
LDS Addiction Recovery Program The LDS church's official 12-step program
The Sacrament, A Renewal for the Soul Conference talk on the power of the sacrament in our lives
The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality Ensign reprint of BYU devotional on the enabling power of the atonement, ie. grace.
Always Retain a Remission of your Sins Conference talk by Elder Bednar
